The Fear of Humiliation
If you spend your life avoiding failure, staying safe, not taking risks, not putting yourself in positions where you might be exposed, it will cost you more than failure ever will.
Not just in what you achieve, but in who you become.
Because the real cost is not the missed outcome. It is the version of you that never stepped forward, never tested himself, never found out what was actually possible.
The Rat wants to protect you from humiliation, so you play it safe.
I saw this first-hand as Head Coach for Great Britain.
We had good players. Disciplined, capable. But they were playing within themselves, making safe plays, choosing the obvious option, avoiding mistakes. On the surface, it looked solid. But it was not going to get us where we needed to go.
So we changed the message.
"Playing safe is risky."
It shifted how they saw the game. Instead of withdrawing, they started playing with intention. They made bolder decisions. They made mistakes. But they also grew.
And we made history by competing in the A-Pool for the first time, as the only amateur team among the top eight countries.
Most people think the risk is in failing.
But the bigger risk is in staying where you are.
But they're already watching you play small.
Already seeing you hold back. The defence isn't protecting you from judgment.
It's guaranteeing a different kind of judgment: the quiet recognition that you're living scared.
But what if you’re making an assumption?
What if you don’t fail?
Either way, there’s an opportunity you don’t get by staying safe.
What are you defending against that's costing you more than the risk itself?
River Dialogues by Andrew Sillitoe
Which Voice is Driving Your Thinking?
Most leaders aren’t exhausted by the work.
They’re exhausted by the need to stay on top of everything.
This short diagnostic will show you what’s driving your thinking, the Rat or the Wren.
Application for the River Dialogues Course is open.
This is a 30-day experience for business leaders built around The River Dialogues.
A simple way to notice what’s actually driving your thinking, so you can lead without constant internal pressure.
About Andrew
Andrew Sillitoe works with leaders who carry significant responsibility and want to think clearly under pressure.
After 17 years in management consulting, building and leading high-performing sales teams, he became Head Coach for Great Britain Inline Hockey Team, guiding them to international success.
Today, he lives in Prague with his wife Lucie and their four children, where his work is shaped as much by conversations with leaders as it is by quiet walks along the Vltava River.
When he’s not coaching, you’ll usually find him on the ice rink — still playing, still learning, still carrying just enough.